By Rex Grayner, SVP of Business Development at The Hurricane Junior Golf Tour
For parents of junior golfers with college dreams, reaching out to coaches can feel like walking a tightrope. You want to help your child get noticed, but not come on too strong. You want to support them, but not overshadow them.
The truth is, building a relationship with college coaches is an important step in the recruiting process. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about it.
In this article, we’ll break down the key do’s and don’ts for players and parents, highlight common red flags coaches see all too often, and share insights from college golf experts who’ve seen it all.
DO: Let Your Child Take the Lead
The recruiting process is about the student-athlete, not the parent. Coaches want to build a relationship with the person who will be on their team, and that means hearing directly from the player.
Encourage your child to write their own emails, place their own calls, ask their own questions, and follow up after events or conversations. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Coaches aren’t grading grammar. What matters most is effort and initiative.
Stanford University’s head men’s golf coach Conrad Ray says that “the worst thing for [coaches] in our world is if we get a phone call and it’s the mom or dad of a high school freshman or sophomore telling me how good their kid is.”
DON’T: Do All the Talking
As tempting as it is to step in and take control, resist the urge. When coaches get emails or phone calls from a parent instead of the player, it’s often a red flag.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be involved. Your role is crucial, but it’s behind the scenes. Help them plan, review messages, and stay organized. Just don’t speak for them.
“I believe the student athlete should start in their sophomore year in high school to search out the college size, location, price, and ability to play there,” advises Eckerd College Golf Coach, Bill Buttner.
“Contact should be made over that summer notifying coaches of their golf schedule. Visits should be made during their junior year and try to get the selection sized down to a reasonable number. Parents may help their child during the first phase of college choices, but after contact has been made with coaches, the student should do everything. Parents that get involved in the later stages of recruitment do not allow the coach to get a good feel for the perspective athlete. All visits should be done by the student with questions by the student,” says Buttner.
DO: Personalize Every Message
College coaches can smell a copy-paste email from a mile away. Generic outreach—“I’m interested in your school”—won’t get much attention.
Instead, encourage your child to include details that show they’ve done their homework. Mention a recent tournament result, a team accomplishment, or something unique about the academic program. That personal touch makes a big difference.
DON’T: Send Mass Emails to Every School
Casting a wide net may sound smart, but quality beats quantity in recruiting. Coaches want to know why their program is a good fit, not just that they’re one of 100 schools on a list.
Focus on building a targeted list based on skill level, academics, team culture, and goals. Tailored outreach leads to better responses and better outcomes.
DO: Stay in Touch with Purpose
It’s okay if a coach doesn’t respond right away. Recruiting takes time, and many coaches are balancing full seasons, travel, and compliance rules.
What matters is following up the right way. Send updates after tournaments. Share academic progress. Mention new video footage. Always lead with value, not just a “checking in” message.
Another great way to stay touch with purpose and nurture relationships with college coaches is attending camps.
“I would advise every young player’s parent to send their kid to at least one camp per summer and play in a couple of golf tournaments per month,” saysUniversity of Washington Men’s Head Coach Alan Murray.
“At camps, we as coaches get to see and talk to the players, which is huge for us. I can get to know players and how their brains work. We can understand their personalities and their strengths and weaknesses more than we ever could in tournament conditions alone. They get to ask any questions at a camp and take advantage of the collective wisdom of the top-level coaches who attend these camps.”
DON’T: Talk Scholarships Too Soon
True, college is expensive. But bringing up scholarships in the first email (or first conversation) is a fast way to derail a relationship.
Coaches want to evaluate character, fit, and performance before discussing money. Let those conversations happen naturally, once mutual interest is established.
“Asking about money in the first email is like asking someone to marry you on the first date,” said one Division I Coach that we spoke with recently.
Red Flags to Avoid (for Parents and Players)
Here are a few common missteps that can hurt your player’s chances, even if they mean well:
- Emails from parents instead of players
- Oversharing stats without context or results
- Mass outreach with no personalization
- Parents calling or texting coaches directly
- Too many follow-ups in a short period of time
- Talking scholarships too early
Coaches want to recruit coachable, respectful, independent student-athletes. Every interaction is a small window into who your child really is.
Final Thoughts: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint
Building relationships with college coaches doesn’t happen overnight. It takes persistence, patience, and professionalism. The good news? When players take ownership, stay authentic, and focus on fit, and not just offers, good things tend to happen.
And as a parent, your support behind the scenes makes all the difference.
Next Steps for Junior Golf Families
Competing in well-run, nationally recognized tournaments is one of the best ways to get on coaches’ radars. The HJGT offers year-round events that provide the perfect stage for exposure and growth.
Explore upcoming tournaments here: https://tournaments.hjgt.org/Tournament
