By Rex Grayner, SVP of Business Development, Hurricane Junior Golf Tour
Coaches recruit players, and they notice parents.
You and I both want the same thing. We want your child to grow through the game and earn a real shot at college golf. After 25 years of helping families navigate this path, I can tell you the parent role is simple to describe and hard to execute.
In short, you are air traffic control, not the pilot. Your job is to create conditions for your golfer to be seen as coachable, reliable, and ready for college… without taking the wheel.
What coaches notice about parents in five minutes
At tournaments, coaches often learn as much from the walk between tee boxes as they do from a scorecard. They watch how a parent carries themselves, how they interact with staff and other families, and what happens after a bogey. They watch the player walk into scoring alone or with a parent doing the talking. These tiny snapshots add up to a picture of what a young man or young lady might be like in a college locker room.
A calm sideline presence helps. That means no swing tips during play, no visible frustration, and no play-by-play commentary. You can be engaged and supportive without becoming a second coach. Thank the volunteers. Respect pace of play. Let officials do their job. After the round, give your child space to sign the card, thank the group, and take a breath.
Independence matters. College coaches want players who own their golf life. Your child should check pairings, manage their bag, carry their own water, and introduce themselves to staff. If a coach is nearby, your introduction should be brief and professional. Something like, “Coach, good to see you. I’m Sarah’s dad. She is at scoring and would be glad to say hello if you have a minute.” Then step back and let your player lead.
None of this is about perfection. It is about sending the right signals. A parent who is steady, respectful, and team minded helps a coach believe the player will be steady, respectful, and team minded too.
Make it player led: every email, call, and thank you
College recruiting moves faster and cleaner when the player is in the driver’s seat. The rule is simple. The player sends every email. Parents can be copied, but parents should not be the sender. When coaches open an email from a parent, they wonder why the player is not ready to lead.
Keep the first message short. Five sentences is enough.
- Who I am and my grad year.
- Why your program interests me.
- One or two recent results with dates and yardages.
- A link to a short on-course or 3-hole video.
- My upcoming schedule.
This structure respects a coach’s time and gives them exactly what they need to decide if a follow up is warranted. The follow up rhythm is simple too. Send the first note. If there is no reply, send a short follow up two weeks later. After a notable round or when you add a tournament near that campus, send a brief update. Think in headlines, not essays.
Parents, your role is quality control. Help with proofing. Keep a simple spreadsheet of who your child contacted, what was sent, and when to follow up. Hold your player accountable to deadlines. Teach them to honor a coach’s inbox with concise, well formatted communication.
Do the same with social media. Clean handles. Golf first content. Lift others up. No negativity. Coaches look. You can help your child tighten bios, remove off brand posts, and pin a schedule or video. Keep your own posts supportive. Avoid sideline coaching in comments or public excuse making. Your online footprint should mirror the calm presence you bring to the course.
Support film, travel, and schedule without taking over
Film is a fast way to show how a player thinks, not just how they swing. Skip the highlight reel that trims out the tough shots. Record three holes on course. The player calls the shot before they hit it. Show a driver, an approach, a short game decision, and at least one recovery. Hold the phone steady from down the line and face on. Keep each clip short. Stitch the sequence together and upload it. Pair that link with your emails and your player’s one page resume.
Travel is where parents can create real opportunity. Pick events that reflect college yardages and fields. Look for 36-hole competitions and for tournaments near your target schools. If you can bundle a weekend that includes a College Prep Series stop, even better. Plan travel logistics so your player shows up rested and on time. Let your child email coaches 7 to 10 days before an event near their campus. Keep that email short and useful.
“Coach, I will be competing at your program’s home course, XYZ Golf Club, next Saturday & Sunday. I would be honored if you had a chance to watch a few holes.”
Game day deserves a simple code. Before the round, you handle transport, snacks, hydration, and the clock. Your player handles pairings, the starter, and any rules questions. During the round, support quietly. After the round, let your player sign the card, thank the group, and speak first. Save feedback for later that night. A good car ride home sounds like this. “Proud of how you finished. What did you learn that we can apply tomorrow / next week?”
Follow through builds trust. Within 24 to 48 hours after a tournament, your player can send a short update to coaches who are engaged. One paragraph is plenty. Include the course, yardage, scores, one improvement note, and the next event on deck. Reliability is a recruiting skill. Keep a quarterly resume refresh on your calendar. Update scoring average, top results with dates and yardages, academics and the video link.
Parent Edge Checklist
Use this to keep yourself on track.
- My child writes every coach email and I am copied for awareness only.
- Our first message follows the five sentence format.
- We keep a simple tracker for outreach and follow ups.
- Social feeds are clean, golf first, and free of negativity.
- I do not coach during rounds. I am calm and supportive on site.
- We record a new 3-hole video every few months.
- Our schedule includes 36-hole events that resemble college yardages if possible.
- My child emails college coaches before events near their campuses.
- We send a post event update within 48 hours when appropriate.
- My child handles introductions and questions with staff and coaches.
The goal is not to become a perfect parent. The goal is to give your child a reputation for being coachable and reliable. When a coach sees that pattern, they lean in.
Parents, Here’s Your “Call To Action”
Your presence can be the difference between a coach seeing a talented junior and a coach seeing a future teammate. Keep it player led. Keep it calm and professional. Support the work that matters and resist the urge to take over.
If you want to put this into practice, pick an event and get it on the calendar. Map a clean schedule, record a three-hole video, and let your child lead the outreach. Then go see it work in real time at an upcoming HJGT event, especially a College Prep Series stop.
Register here: https://tournaments.hjgt.org/Tournament
Like my colleagues, I am cheering for your family and for the next step in your child’s journey. If you have questions, bring them. All of us here at the HJGT are here to help parents create the best possible experience for their junior golfer.
